| | This is going to be a bad week that just keeps getting worse. It's as if the little annoying, less than stellar things about my life in Calgary are magnified two hundred percent this week. I mean, this is ridiculous, I'm sitting here on the verge of tears over something so stupid it's not worth typing about. It's going to be so hard comming back here after the holiday. I'm in a serious I hate everything mood. What seems to be making it especially difficult is that grouped into that everything is everybody I know here so I'm totally alone. Alone, and crying at my desk like a lunatic. It's so pathetic it's funny. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | The concert no Saturday night was awesome. Peter's party afterwards was only moderately fun at moments and so I'm back to my cranky self. I'm tired, listless, and counting down the hours till I'm off to Montreal. Unfortunately, that only solves things for ten days then I need to come back here and figuire out why I'm so bored with everything. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Not only is it new tv day, it's also leave early from work to go get that tv day! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | I'm feeling really weird today. You know when you have a strange dream and the thought of it takes for ever to leave you? So the dream I woke up with this moring consisted of me being humped by this really gross fat guy, only humped because we were making a movie. Yeah, so anyway, weird. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | As a joke, I went to my company's global intranet (Intuit International) to get Max's id pass picture to attach to an email to send to my mom with a warning that he might crash with us for a night while I'm home. While I was there I figuired, hey, why not check out my own record. What a huge mistake. My id picture (not too bad a picture if I do say so myself) is full 1024 size! You have to scroll to see my whole face! There for everyone to see are my poorly groomed eyebrows and pores big enough to swim in. I COULD JUST DIE!!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | My cube neighbor is a moron. I don't feel up to going into the details. They're too moronic. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Max just came down from the 5th floor to tell me he'll be in Montréal the week I'm home. He wants to hook up. That should be interesting. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| It has been the slackest day in quite a while. I showed up to work at ten thirty this morning after my doctor's appointment, took and hour and a half lunch so Jeremy and I could sit out on the grass in Olympic square to eat ice cream and mock passers-by, did close to nothing all afternoon except look up what concerts are playing in Mtl the week I'm home and review the Stampede schedule, and I'm wrapping up the day by heading out at four thirty. Honestly, I'm spent, I don't know how many more stressful days like these I can take before I blow.
Good news is Michel is not going to Red Deer this weekend and will be at Peter's birthday party on Saturday night. It's out last weekend to hang out before he leaves for London so I'm glad he'll be around after all. Peter's parties are always so wild, sometimes too wild to be fun so we'll see what happens. I'm anxious to see if Wade shows up. I never gave him a second thought before, being Katie's younger brother. For him to ask me to his sister's wedding (Holly, the eldest, not Katie who is married to Peter) right in front of his parents, Peter and Katie, and all his friends... well it was weird... and highly complimentary. Of course, he's not aware of how friendly I actually am with P and K, no one is although I'm sure some have their suspicions. Anyway, so I had to decline because I'll be in Mtl but what if I had said yes? Would it have been like a date? Like I've said, weird. So understandably, I'm slightly eager to find out more about what his intentions were. Especailly since I thought it was pretty obvious that the weekend was all about Miles for me. Ah, it was probably nothing. He just invited me because I would have been someone he wouldn't have to babysit cause I would know other people there. I'm sure that's all that is. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | It was a great doctor's appointment. I was expecting to be herded in, looked over quickly and herded out but it wasn't like that at all. Dr. Ouzman may turn out to be the answer I've been looking for. A doctor who wants to be a real family physican, even a family of one like I am out here. Turns out he's from Mauritius. Could the world be any smaller? That's 4 people I know/have met from there. What are the chances of meeting even one person from there? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | It was a superior weekend. It's sad to say, but it turned out so great because it wasn't just me, Pete, Katie and her parents as I had thought. Those two never fill me in on what's going on, but that's off topic... Anyway, it turns out that Wade (Katie's younger brother) and a few of his friends were up there too. What could have been the most boring weekend in all of history ended up being a really great time. Wade's one friend Miles made me laugh so much my sides hurt. I would totally see Miles again and I think he felt the same way but circumstances kind of prevent it. He's off to the states at the end of this week to work at a summer camp, then in the fall he's only here a couple of weeks before he's back to university in Saskatchewan. I guess those are the perils of clicking with a younger guy, their transient life styles don't fit too well with my "go to the same job everyday for thiry years" kind of lifestyle. Such is life. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| A friend here in Calgary revealed to me that she's recently begun taking anti-depressants. That makes two friends I know now who are for sure and I one that I suspect is. What's up with that? Could it be like what Ritalin is to 10 year olds but for the twenty-something set? I can't help but think it's a bit odd. I was telling someone about how I was feeling down a lot lately and she imeadiatly suggested I see a doctor. Don't people just feel sad anymore? Everyone is chronically depressed? It never occured to me to seek out a perscription and I'm certainly not going to.
Things are actually looking up (a bit). I got the great news that Jess will be in town from Halifax the week that I'm home. I miss her a lot. My friends here aren't that interested in going to concerts or dancing at clubs like foufs. Visiting home is one of my few chances to do some of the good stuff I left behind and without Jess in town it would have been a lesser experience.
Meanwhile everything here is the same. My manager is convinced that I'm some kind of programming genuis and while that was kind of fun in the begining, it's starting to feel like quite a huge weight on my shoulders. Fortunately, it isn't too hard to keep the powers that be impressed here. I have a work ethic that they just don't understand. If Alberta had a motto it could be "no worries", pretty different from Québec where it would be "work longer, not smarter".
Tonight it's off to the cottage with Pete and Katie. Sigh. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| Things are looking up a little. Tonight is the first night in ages that there isin't something I absolutely have to do. I might go to the gym, I might go buy some books, I might do nothing at all.
I spent a little time at lunch reviewing what concerts and stuff or on while I'm home in Montreal. I'd like to go see AFI but Jessica won't be in town and I know my sister won't be interested. Maybe I should conisder going alone? | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I'm so weak willed. I disgust myself. I just read an email from Katie asking for approval on her menu choices for the weekend. Rather than respond that I didn't want to go I okayed the choices and made it sound like I was totally keen on the whole thing. It's easier to go along, less confrontation, suprisingly less hassle.
Painting pottery last night was fun. Friggin expensive, but fun. I did a serving platter. I hope it turns out well because that's the kind of stuff I'm missing, serving stuff. It would be nice to set a nice table when my parents come out in August. I'm trying to save up to get my new couch before they come too. The image of my mom and dad sitting on my baby couch is riduculous. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Heart breaking, will to live fading fast... Sean has just informed me that he's waiting to hear if he got a one year teaching job in Japan. This is of course extremely awsome for him. For me, it's devestating. It's one thing for him to live in Ontario and never see him, it's an entirely different thing for him to be all the way in Japan. I didn't tell him this of course, I played my roll as the ever supportive long distance friend. I guess I don't really have anything to worry about, I've moved away from my home town and managed to maintain deep and meaningful relationships with the people back home that I really care about. It has been the ideal situation for me, I've seen who my true friends are and have had the chance to let the toxic ones fall by the wayside. But I've also accidently let some good ones fall by the wayside too and this is what I worry about with Sean.
No worries. He hasn't gotten the job yet. When he does, it will be another wonderful thing in his life that he'll be more than likely to share with me... even from Japan.
Best of luck Sean. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I've been feeling kind of crappy the last couple of days. I tend to second guess myself when I feel down, asking myself if it could be that time of the month, as if that somehow dismisses my feelings, makes them less rational. In this case it's not that time of the month. I'm not entirely sure what I have to be down about but it's how I'm feeling nonetheless.
I may be taking GMSTJ a bit too far. I'm feeling tired and overwhelmed. I haven't sat down and just vegetated in what seems like ages. How long have I been going at this? A couple of weeks? Unfortunately, there is no end in sight unless I bail on going to the cottage with Pete and Katie this weekend. I have no idea what made me say yes in the first place. I've spent practically the entire weekend with them the last three weekends. Aren't they getting tired of having me around all the time? Aren't married couples supposed to want to be alone together occasionally? It's not like I'm imposing on them, they're inviting me over, and if I didn't decline half the time I'd practically be living at their place. I'm not sure how to say I don't want to see them this weekend without hurting their feelings. Peter is especially sensitive and reacts in a huge way to anything I say lately. Perhaps I'll feel Katie out tonight while we're out painting pottery (don't ask) and let her break it to Pete. Basically what this boils down to is that I need a more diverse group of friends. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | GMSTJ continues at a hurried pace. I dusted last night! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Hello boys and girls and welcome to Tara's bitchy tax advice...
It would seem as though I didn't get out of la belle province soon enough. It appears that even without that "special distinction" of being a unique society, Quebecers are so heavily taxed that even the extra credits afforded to them hardly make a dent. To be paying anywhere near the national average for provincial taxes one had better be single with a dependant who can claims disability with a mental infirmity so that they themselves can claim the caregiver amount and the equivalent to spouse amount. Man, I feel sorry for the person living that life.
And that wraps up another installement of Tara's bitchy tax advice. Join us next time when Tara reviews why it's best to illegally hide money in offshore banks. Until then, this is Tara... loving her job and saddened by the new tax knowledge she acquires ever day. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| "Get my shit together" June is taking on monster proportions. I like that expression, monster proportions, it's said alot but really think about it, visualize the monster...
Anyway, so things are out of control. Tonight Katie is taking me to get a new phone. That's something that's been on the epic to do list since forever that I can finally cross off. Also, I found a doctor. Yes, that's right. I may have found the one and only doctor that's taking new patients and does pap smears. I never realized what a feat it would be. It took all my resources, blood, sweat and tears, but I finally have an appointment. With a new birth control prescription to take over from the one that's about gone I'll be able to continue safely not having sex. It's all about being able to if I wanted to...
I'm looking forward to getting home with an intensity that has been unmatched up to this point. The email frequency back and forth between my mom, sister and I has increased tenfold. I counted it out yesterday and it will have been six full months since I was last home. Crazy! Three weeks to go. I have to try and calm myself. I need to think of other things ("Get my shit together" June henceforth referred to as GMSTJ, is a step in that direction). It was a huge letdown to come back here after christmas and I expect it will be worse comming home after this visit. It's a couple of things rolled into one, the after travel depression that always follows a good holiday and having to let my parents go, again. Hopefully I won't be as pathetic as I was at christmas and cry when I arrive and see them.
If I was really going to go all the way with GMSTJ I would also figuire out how the hell the whole RRSP thing works and get on it pronto. The thought of the whole thing is daunting, so at this point, I guess I'm not prepared to go all the way.
I realized somthing both horrifying and depressing last night while doing my cardio (40 min at level 6, BTW). All the guys with the great bodies are 5'9'' or shorter or are gay (although gayness has not been confirmed, a couple of the guys were looking very gay). It may just be me but I prefer dating guys who didn't wish I had a penis. The height thing of course is also a factor, not for a shorty lover like Mona, but for me it is. Where are all the tall, in shape, good looking smart guys who are interested in tall, skinny bookish girls who's noses perpetually run and spend too much time alone? This is turning into a rant, I'd better leave it at that. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I am a retard.
For the last two days I've been convinced that there was something in the corner of my eye. Today I finally went to the bathroom to see what the deal was, whether I was going to have to go to a doctor or not, and found out what it was. "It" was the calus on the end of my finger from playing guitar. Amazingly enough, when I rub my eye with another finger there's no "it". To reiterate, I am a retard. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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